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Reading over my story brings back to me incidents long
forgotten like my times on the buses at the Beck Lane Depot
in Heckmondwike, relations between the garage staff and
the drivers were often strained, I once rang in to report
that my gear lever had become disconnected, they asked in
a superior voice how I, a driver, knew it was the lever
that had come loose, I then took great pleasure in replying
that I was in a call box and the lever was in my blinking
hand. On an other occasion a member of the garage staff
was helping me to reverse, he said "OK OK OK"
and bang went the back of the bus together with the tinkling
of broken glass, "STOP" he said so I did and that
was one bump for which I did not have to complete a damage
report. During the war you were not allowed to leave certain
jobs without permission, so if you wanted to change your
job you had to get yourself sacked. Well there was a story
about a driver who wanted to change and decided to get him
self the sack. He was on a half hour turn round from Heckmonwike
Green to Hightown, he picked up a bus load on the Green
and took them all up to the terminus, turned round and brought
them all back to Heckmondwike to a reception of police and
bus inspectors and was rewarded with instant dismissal.
Then back to the Post Office, I was delivering mail at
Hanging Heaton which is a village built on a hillside a
bit like Hebden Bridge, well I was feeling fit on a lovely
summer morning and I vaulted over a three foot wall, sadly
there was a fifteen foot drop the other side, I came round
to find my self being placed in a Post Office van and taken
back to the office. Lucky for me apart from lots of bruising
there was no real damage and after a day or two I was back
at work with a warning not to take short cuts from the official
route. When I first went to Leeds I had a walk on Kirkstall
Road which included rows of back to back houses, well a
large mongrel dog used to meet me each morning and accompany
me on my round, everything went well until one morning I
knocked on a door to deliver a packet and inside there was
a bitch on heat, well my doggy friend went in like a rocket
and there was pandemonium in the house with the dog chasing
the bitch, a half dressed bloke trying to hit the dog with
a frying pan and the woman of the house screaming abuse
at me.
Now for a game we used to play it was called Piggy. Piggy
was a game played by a gang of lads and you could make all
the equipment needed to play it. All you required was a
length of wood, something like a long brush handle about
one inch thick, first - you cut a piece about four ins.
long with you sturdy penknife, you then cut each end to
a point like sharpening a pencil. Then from the remaining
piece you cut a piece about eighteen inch long to act as
a bat. To play the game you each in turn placed the piggy
on a flat stone or brick and you hit the point of the piggy
with your bat, with a bit of luck the piggy spun up into
the air and when it reached it's peak you hit it with the
bat. If you missed three times you missed you turn. You
then had to call the score you claimed according to the
distance you had hit it. The score was related to the number
of jumps it would take you to reach it so if you were challenged
you had to jump it off and if you failed to reach the piggy
in the number of jumps you had claimed for the hit you lost
the score. At the end of the game the one with the highest
score was the winner.
Did you hear about the bus driver who was feeling a bit
fed up, he looked in his rear view mirror at the passengers,
and said "your a load of plonkers aren't you"
he then gently pushed on the brake peddle and they all nodded
their head in agreement.
After my heart attack I returned to work for a few months
before it was decided to retire me off. I attended my last
annual conference and was able to say farewell to my many
friends. At the conference dance I was made a presentation
together with my friend David Jackson which included a display
from a kissagram girl. I received a massive retirement card
in which more than 300 members from almost every town and
city in the UK had signed together with their best wishes.
I must tell you a little story that has just come to mind,
I had just returned to work and was on my first trip to
London since my illness. I was staying at an hotel in Earls
Court and was ringing up Barbara in the hotel bar one evening
when a very beautiful young woman approached and stood looking
at me, I made the mistake of smiling at her and she then
came and stood next to me looking into my eyes. I told Barbara
what was happening and she warned me about my health and
advised extreme caution in my dealings with this young lady.
Well the pips went, I put down the phone and invited the
young lady to have a drink with me. We sat together in a
corner of the hotel lounge and slowly sipped our drinks,
she told me about herself, that she was a princess, well
known on the West End stage, she took a collection of photographs
from her hand bag. They were all of her on the stage in
the nude and with no clothes on, I began to feel tight in
my chest and was about to have a puff from my inhaler when
she suggested that perhaps we were wasting time and should
retire to some where a little more private. It was at this
point that I had to explain my medical condition and to
tell her of my wife’s concern for my health, regretfully
we had to part. She seemed to have taken a liking for me
because she said that if business was poor she might call
back later to see if I had changed my mind. Well I went
to the phone and rang up Barbara, told her what a good boy
I had been and went off to bed never to see my princess
again.
This little story which sticks out in my memory only because
contrary to what you may think, spending the night away
from home in an hotel, however posh, can be a very boring
experience. If you are with a gang of your mates have a
good nosh up together with a few drinks, well that’s
a different tale altogether.
This brings my book to an end, I have enjoyed doing it
and hope you have had some pleasure reading it. I have not
had the grammar corrected because I want it to read as I
say it if you know what I mean.
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